When I was attending The University of Texas, one of my roommates and I began the process of looking for another apartment because our lease was expiring.  Jenny had made an appointment for both of us to have  a look at this place that seemed promising.  We arrived at the complex and the first thing I noticed was the great security wall that surrounded the place.  We rang for the agent and she came to the gate and we entered.  What we found inside explained why there was such a wall surrounding the place…it was a nudist community.  Being stupid and embarrassed and  not wanting to look like the fools that we were, we continued through the sales pitch as we walked through the complex.  Perhaps it was the sunny, spring-like day or maybe it’s just the nature of nudists, but they were all out socializing standing around as if everything were normal.  In the middle of this rectangle shaped complex was a recreation area.  Sand volleyball was underway, the grill was fired up and sizzling some goods and the pool was drawing a few in.  There were young people and there were senior citizens…quite senior in fact.  And I saw them all naked…all the while I was trying not to look like someone who didn’t know about the nakedness…you know, like it was normal.  Upon exiting nudist nation, Jenny and I laughed and laughed at our faux pas and found a more suitable place to live.

I remember thinking that nudist colonies were only in Europe.  Who knows where I got that idea.

Today,  I decided to take a walk on the beach to get a little exercise.  I enjoy going down to Cottesloe beach and walking barefoot.  It’s really a treat.  This time, I parked farther north and I saw a stretch of beach that I had not recalled being on before.  I walked down through the dunes, being quite careful and on the look out for snakes…dugites in particular.  As soon as I arrived onto the beach itself, I saw a handful of children playing in the sand and they were surrounded by several adults…normal scene.  I continued my walk for about 5 minutes or so and came closer to some ladies frolicking in the water.  At some point, I actually thought, “wow, that is an unusual bathing suit”…then wondering perhaps if my rapidly failing eyesight was rapidly failing even more.  Unfortunately though,  it became quite clear to me that the reason the bathing suit was so unusual was because there was no bathing suit. Not a stitch.   They were nude.  And so were the many others.  All on this same beach where I was endeavoring to burn some calories.  Instead, I was burning red with embarrassment as I was deciding what to do…do I continue on and hopefully walk out of this little section of the beach or do I turn around signaling to everyone that I am the one who mistakenly wandered into this predicament and now embarrassed trying to get out while not looking at anything.  I looked ahead and saw clear beaches and thought, “I can move past these birthday suits and on to that clear and quiet “strip” of beach”…pardon the pun.  I couldn’t figure out a way how to get back up to the street anyway, as there was a barbed wire fence up close to the dunes and following this stretch of the beach…something I thought was a bit peculiar.  So I kept walking.  The purists were now behind me.

I just can’t get the picture out of my head of the very obese nude man sunbathing.

Well, I marched on. I began approaching this tall pole in the sand with a sign at the top and a red flag waving.   Ironic…as there had been red flags going up left and right in my mind on this interesting little walk.  I couldn’t make out what was written on the sign though, as I stated before, due to my failing eyesight.  (apparently eyesight AND wisdom take a nose dive as you age.)  I took a few more steps and then stopped to get a clear reading as I sensed I should not go farther.  I slowly made out the wording and it said, “Entering into live artillery, do not proceed when red flag is up”. 

“I am in hell”, I thought.

This explains the barbed wire fence on this part of the beach…something that I have not seen anywhere else in peaceful Perth.  It quickly became very clear.  The fence at the top of the dune was marking the ongoing area of the Campbell Barracks, which is home of  The Australian Special Air Service Regiment.  The motto of the regiment, by the way,  is ‘Who dares wins’ and it is widely regarded as an elite infantry unit.

And there I was…standing right at the edge of entering live fire of this elite infantry unit, as the red flag was most certainly waving.

I turned to head out of the fire and back into pan as now I had to go back through the bare beach.  And I stopped dead in my tracks…almost nose to nose with a naked man wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his neck much like a super hero.  He smiled a very friendly smile and said, “The flag is up.  You shouldn’t walk any farther that way.  You don’t want to get shot, do you?”

“I do”, I thought.

 I smiled my big Texas smile and am standing there looking like you do when you are trying very hard not to look at something that you don’t want to look at.  You know…when your eyes get real big and you fixate them on a focal point to help you not look anywhere else.  It’s pathetic.  I was stunned.  I said to my stripped down super hero, “I just figured that sign out, thank you” and I marched off.  I put my head down like Clyde the glide Drexler and pressed on back to my entry point.  I walked up the steps to the street, I exhaled,  and was relieved that my experience was now over. 

 There was a little cafe at the top and I glanced that way thinking maybe I should go have a cuppa to calm my nerves.  It was called the Naked Fig Cafe.  I did not dare go in.

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